Emotional Rollercoaster Stop: corner of responsibility & helplessness

What is impossible to hold as it has no weight; impossible to see as it has no matter, yet it is many times unbearably heavy and tis every where all of the time?

A responsibility!

Although we’ve all different takes on responsibilities, they’re there! Some shun them, others embrace them. Some we acquire on our own, others placed upon us by others. Regardless whether we take ownership, we’ve responsibilities to upkeep. Some weight our hearts down while others give us great pride.

How does this relate?

Well obviously today my thoughts aren’t just about my brother being gone due to his own actions, it’s more about how I’m just beginning down the path of a treacherous trek filled with new ‘responsibilities’!

Over the past 48-hours we’ve ‘renovated’ our downstairs living room into a ‘getaway’ for my mommy. Not with hopes she’d stay forever as I WANT her to have her independence; but because I disbelieve her staying in ‘that’ house is mentally healthy for her. Totally ‘Robbie-free’!

This afternoon my husband, oldest son and I volunteered to work leaving us with the need for an adult to watchover our youngest. Sure came in handy quickly convinced my greiving mommy to come over and see her new ‘room’ while spending time with her grandson. All was perfect!

When we returned home and I readying to take my mom back to her house for the night, she & I spent a few moments together. She told me all she did was think about Robbie the entire time she was at MY house because she wasn’t with HIM at HERS!? *sigh*

Now, how does this mix with ‘responsibilities’ ….

The home my mom (& brother Brad) are living in is being sold. They’re facing being without a home by year’s end. This isn’t about where they’re going to go, it’s more about HOW am I going to get her to go?

Now I’m VERY worried about her mental health at this point!

On the ride home, she grew angry with me — very quickly. I dismissed it, fear naught — her son’s dead and by his own hands, hell yea I’d be mad! But it was just ‘how’ she got upset that worries me. She snapped at me (like my ‘normal’ mommy would) but then in a SPLIT SECOND she started to weep, I felt helpless! She wouldn’t even let me reach over to hold her!

MY RESPONSIBILITY because of the selfish act of another is to make sure my already EXTREMELY fragile mother of almost 80 years of age doesn’t shatter!

Please continue to keep MY MOM in your prayers! I’ll be ok – I promise!