EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER: balancing, waiting, worrying, yet understanding!

I hope my words help others who are struggling or helping others who are. I post today a quick blog to appease with hopes someone IS depending upon this page to help them find strength and does so.

Aside from working practically full-time now, I’m still balancing all of my ‘new’ responsibilities. Life started to overwhelm me so I took it by the reigns, bought a calendar, and am starting to see the light. Balancing MY life with that of my MOM’S is feat, I’m learning.

My heart pains as I ‘sense’ the worst in regard to my mom (praying I’m wrong!). It’s that nodule they found on her lung. Finally, the pulmonary doctor’s office called and she’s slated for an appointment in early January for her repeat lung ct scan. THAT’S THE DAY! And, what they’re looking for is growth. IF it grows ANY fashion, it’s biopsy time. If not, it’s GOOD news!

Yes, I’ve gently discussed my fears with my mom. I’ve emphasized how she needs to QUIT smoking to be most healthy – she concurs although her actions speak are otherwise for she’s back up to smoking almost a pack-a-day (out in my garage). We talked about the ‘what if’ regarding chemotherapy. She’s decided she WILL NOT take it unless they say she’s a 70% or better chance. Oddly, I agreed with her. I’ve watched several people go through chemo just to ‘prolong’ their lives simply to find themselves in a worse condition causing the person to be violently ill, unable to eat, the loss of their hair, the inability to complete simple tasks dues to lethargy for the rest of their existance.

My husband recently shared with me a conversation he had with my mom not too long ago in regards to the nodule. My mom laughed at the alternative, death. I’m saddened as her daughter she feels so apathetic regarding her future; but as a parent, I understand.

Keeping myself busy by working a LOT of doubles! It’s my escape. So I’m doing fairly well. Haven’t cried a fraction for my brother as I did my sister. Not sure if it’s denial or the fact my life’s in chaos and I’m prioritizing my emotions — whatever it is, it’s working! I’ve gained 16lbs and am FINALLY at 111lbs! How dangerous the waters were when I was treading at 94lbs! I hope my brother forgives me for NOT being so distraught as I was with the loss of our sister.

Paranormally speaking, I’ve not had a chance to download and then take the HOURS it’s going to take to review the recordings I completed on Halloween (All Hallow’s Eve). I taped two segments – both I just left the recorder alone. Will share any EVP I (hopefully) captured.

Will part for now …. hope y’all, my readers, have a beautiful autumn day and this finds you surrounding yourself with positivity as what you emit is what you attract! :)


Hugs & happy hunting …


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